In Vain: Musings on My Early Love Life

Alan Berecka

March 1, 2026

My senior year in college after I 

was jilted yet again, I considered 

escaping my solitary life by joining

some cozy Franciscan monastery. 

My roommate found the application

sitting open and filled out on my desk

and took it upon himself to save me 

from a more permanent life of celibacy. 

At a school that required each student

to take nine hours of theology

from various theologians who each

preferred a different edition’s translation

gathering up a hoard of the good book

wasn’t a difficult feat, but it was unexpected

when I opened our dorm room door

and found a teetering tower of bibles

in the middle of the floor and Peter

standing there like some zealous prophet 

my application clenched in his raised fist.

He proclaimed that I could not be serious

that I was a born to be a lover not a friar, 

and then he commanded me to stand 

on a chair and place my hand on the giant stack

of swaying bibles and swear to remain a layman.

And I did, and, perhaps, God resented the irony 

of my swearing on his books not to join His A-team 

which made Him go all Old Testament on me 

which caused me to remain an unlaid man 

for another seven long and cursed years. 

Alan Berecka, hailing from rural New York and residing near Corpus Christi, Texas, is a retired librarian and the author of several poetry collections, including “Atlas Sighs: New and Selected Poems.” His poems have appeared in numerous literary journals, including the American Literary Review. Currently, he is a regular contributor to the Texas Poetry Assignment and was included in Lamar University Press’s poetry anthology Southern Voices. From 2017 to 2019, he served as the first Poet Laureate of Corpus Christi. Lastly, Berecka is not a huge believer in artificial intelligence, believing its findings often tend toward grandiosity.